I have not posted about Evan's new job because I have honestly been in a little denial and thought denial would help something else move into it's place.
Evan has a new job that I found for him. At the time I didn't know all it would entail. He leaves for Indiana on Saturday at 9am. That is sooner than we thought. We thought he was leaving on Monday. This whole process really happened fast.
So here is the information we have so far. Evan leaves for a 2 week Trucker Training where he will get his CDL permit. (unpaid) We hope he gets to come home for a bit before he moves on to his next 2 phases. Phase 1, he is gone for a month training on the road and does not get paid much, less than what he made at Wendy's. Phase 2, he is gone for another month where he gets paid comparable to what he made at Wendy's if not possibly a little better. After his 60 days of training he signs a 6 month contract with this company. He has 2 options, I think they call it a "direct route" where he is only gone for 2 weeks at a time, home for 2-3 days then out again for another 2 weeks...
At this time there is only one opening in Nashville for a direct route. The 2nd option, he is gone for 3-4 weeks at a time and comes home for 2-3 days before he is gone again.
Evan is thinking he wants to do the longer haul runs because the money is much better. Our long term goal is to get to Utah and have money to get a home. So with that in mind Evan thinks at this time he wants to push hard and get as much money saved as he can to help us reach our goal and do the 3-4 week jobs.
I admire his drive, but my heart feels like it is literally breaking at the thought of him being gone so long. I will miss him so much. I thought I would be fine and tough enough to not care. But I really do care. As if my personal heart break isn't enough. The biggest heart break and physical pain comes when I think of the joy I see in BOTH my boy's faces when the greet each other at the door after Evan has been at work. It's a special tender moment that I count my blessings to be able to witness. When Evan gets home Reagan would be happy if we glued them together. All I can do is pray that this time apart will not be difficult for Reagan. My pain on Reagan's behalf is just about unbearable.
Evan and I are adults and have understanding that a baby doesn't. I'm taking video's of Evan and Reagan together so that I can show them to Reagan every day. And Evan is going to record himself singing the songs that he sings to Reagan at night when he puts him down. I hope that all this plus getting to talk to Evan everyday will help it seem like Evan isn't really gone at all.
I pray these 8 months will go fast. After all the harping I've done for Evan to find a different job I have felt like I was in no position to share my hurting heart with Evan. I have had my moments of crying...and sobbing in private when Reagan is in bed and Evan has been at work. But last night with Evan leaving so soon I found myself crying, for an hour on Evans shoulder as we laid in bed, I let it all out, my heart, and feelings.
I have been praying for months and months...and months for a job to present itself to Evan. After getting up from a prayer one day a thought came to my mind to look for jobs for veterans, the first job I found was the job Evan is now leaving for on Saturday. I present 3 jobs to Evan that I found, this was the one he went for and got. Since learning more of the details about the job, I have prayed for alternatives for Evan so that this didn't have to be. I have looked for alternatives, but nothing has come up. So I guess I should feel peace that this is what I have been praying for. Guess what? Life isn't easy.
How silly I was wanting to be a grown-up when I was a kid. Why didn't anyone tell me about the heartache and difficult choices that come with adulthood?
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