Growing Up

These past couple days I've been watching Reagan.  I still see my little boy, but at times I see him grown up.  It made me cry to think of him as he grows.  He is so adorable right now, he is so funny and innocent.  He is a wonderful, perfect little boy that loves to snuggle, loves to laugh at everything we say.  He believes we are the best thing in the whole world.  I love to watch him play with his toys, and to see how loving he is to EVERYONE. 

As he grows I'm sure he will still be the same super lovable and accepting boy he is now.  But it is inevitable that his innocence will go away.  He will grow up and at some point not want to snuggle any more, I love how excited he gets to see both Papa and I, one day he will stop squealing with delight at the sight of us. 

The thought of him growing up makes me so sad and breaks my heart.  But I'm thankful I'm aware of this so that I won't waste our time together.  I'm soaking up every moment I have with my little boy.  I will never get these days back.  I don't want to wake up one day and realize I wasted the precious moments I was given with my Son's.  Thankfully so far I don't have regrets.  I'm pretty pleased with the things I have given up, and pleased with the time I have given to each of my boys.  I keep praying and working hard to make sure each of my boys gets individual time with me each day and knows I love him.  I hope I'm doing okay in their eyes.

ADDITION (6/25/13): I was able to better vocalize more of my feelings on this subject with Evan the other night.  Evan had gotten mad at Reagan and because I was very much in my Enjoy My Precious Boy Moment"  I went up and rescued Reagan and babied him and upset Evan in the process. =(  While I'm not proud I did that to Evan, I was down stairs listening to it all and my heart broke. I was on the outside, wanting to make it all better.

These really are precious days.  Reagan is SO forgiving.  I have never had anyone on this earth forgive me as quickly and completely as Reagan does, and as I know Gideon will.  I've never had anyone love me like Reagan does, or need me as much and completely as Gideon and Reagan do.  And as they grow they will need me less and less.  It hurts to not be needed.  I'm glad to see Reagan grow up and learn, but every step toward growing up, is a step further away from needing me.  I know I'm being selfish.

I love how Reagan has no judgement in his heart at all.  He loves people, says hi, and gives hugs to EVERYONE.  People that I never would have noticed I judged, until Reagan's love and outward acceptance shows me how harsh I am on some people.  I'm thankful for Reagan's love and example.  He is making me a better person.  He is the greatest gift ever given to me by my Father in Heaven.  He has taught me more in his short little 2 years about the kind of person God sent me here to be than ALL my years of going to church.  I may be his Mother, but he is MY Teacher.  Be as a Little Child, is so true.  If I could master that...how awesome!