Week 10 update

Yup, still trying to suck it in!

Nothing to report. I had a wonderful week pregnancy wise, which is a blessing because I truly from the depths of my heart don't think I could take a piece of tiny lint fuzz more.

I'm completely, 100% at the end of my rope. Let me try to quickly paint a picture of the issues I have had on my mind and have been needing to deal with. The company that was hired to move our truck lied, lied and lied some more, Fairway Auto Transport! NEVER go to them, they under quote then up the rates when they feel they have you over a barrel. They are dirty, slimy under handed people that no one should have to deal with, not even my worst enemy.

Our furniture and everything we own is being moved by another company, they also have yet to move our things out of their warehouse in WA. I'm waiting and hoping there will be no more surprises with this company either. I will withhold their name for now, because unlike the truck movers this company is staying in contact with us, they are very sweet, and I feel they are honest people.

Evan and I are still unemployed. However, a little light at the end of our tunnel, Evan did take the Wendy's job as Assistant Manger. This job will allow him to go to school in Criminal Justice and work toward also becoming a Police Officer.

Looking for a job hasn't been the stressful part, it has been the threat of not finding one, and not knowing how soon it will all be manifest, how much will we make? This insecurity is why Evan took the Wendy's job, I'm sure he felt just as I did, "just take anything right now!!!!" Also a worry, Will Evan get benefits right away so that I can finally go to the Dr and make sure the baby is healthy? Even if Evan gets benefits, will his plan take me in my present condition, or will they consider me as having a"pre-existing condition"?
Due to lack of a job, we can't very well look for a place to live. That is also hard, not knowing when we will be settled, or where we will live.

Evan got paid for the last 2 weeks he was working, but then the check from his employers bounced a few days later so we are back to having no money, aside from my savings. And conveniently Evan's employers are not picking up their phone. Let me bear my Testimony now of SAVING!!! I could have paid off all of my student loans...for a couple years I have been able to do that. But that would not leave me an amount I felt comfortable with. I can testify that if I had gone against my instinct, and my past life experience we would be in a HUGE world of hurt right now.
Then with trying to close my bank account in WA they keep calling me with issues they are having since we tried to close my account and the one I was on with my mom. It continues to be their fault, a false alarm every time they call me, but with everything else that is piled on my plate I can't take it.

I feel very out of place, very insecure, very unsure, very much missing being in a town I know how to get around. Then I also get other fun little drama's added on top of all this too that I can't talk about for fear of offending people. But it is all just WAY TOO much.

The ONLY blessing I can for sure count in my life is Evan's sister letting us stay in her house. The thought makes me cry...finally tears of happiness. It's nice to have that much security. To feel so welcome and loved is a sigh of relief. I'm thankful she and her family are so open and welcoming, if she was the type that kept asking when we were going to leave, and bugging us about jobs, and dates I would seriously be crying all the time.

I know an end will come. I know all this hecticness is wearing me out emotionally, I just can't handle ANYTHING right now. And unless you are, or have been recently pregnant you will not understand, take on my stresses and see how you handle it.

Also, living with Laura who just had a baby girl 6 weeks ago is a bitter/sweet blessing. It is giving me a sad reality that I am in NO way ready to have a baby. Nothing has changed, I still get freaked out when the baby cries and feel like I'm doing something wrong, I INSTANTLY hand the baby to Evan who has no problem. He never stresses, he looks and acts like her red faced full body shaking cries are sweet little baby coo's. Nothing fazes Evan. I SERIOUSLY think Evan should stay at home with the baby and I should go to work. Evan just has what it takes. He has more of the mother instinct then I do. A little bit of me is sad, and feels like a failure that Evan can do it but I can't, but a much larger part of me is so thankful Evan has the qualities I lack. It re-affirms that Heaven hand picked Evan for me...or should I say, for our kids. =)The sweet part of being around Laura and her baby when she cries is that I get to ask questions and she helps me understand and explains A LOT. It helps me to see how calm everyone is when the baby cries. It's not a bad thing, baby's just cry and it's not my fault, it's not a bad thing. AND...the baby does eventually stop crying!!! And everyone is still alive and well. To have Laura around to tell me what different noises mean, and why the baby may be crying in such a way. It helps, because my main fear is just that I don't know what to do to stop the crying and that is why I feel like a failure because I can't read baby's cries or minds. It makes me sad that the baby is sad, I want everything to be better and everyone happy.