I have signed up for an 11 day Love Summit. All of the best authors, and experts in their field have gotten together to offer free seminars to help in the areas of personal development, marriages, sex life and emotional & spiritual enlightenment.
Let me say, I have been enlightened!! I LOVE these self help seminars. I know I have inherited this from my mom. We were always listening to self help tapes growing up. I gotta say, I never would have guessed then that I would pick this up. I will share a few of the things that I have gotten from these seminars.
The first point. Women need to be responsible for 90% of their happiness and ALLOW men to fill the remaining 10%. I loved this, once I heard it I was pretty sad to discover I had been relying, waiting, or expecting Evan to make me happy. I couldn't believe I was doing that. It was VERY empowering to take that back. What was I thinking expecting or even giving that power to Evan?! Of course I should be in charge of my happiness and fulfillment. Just hearing that alone made my shoulders go back and I sat a little taller. I'm going to take control of my happiness!! DUH!
2nd point: The more women give the less they get.
How true. When we give to another women we are hardwired to give back. "Oh she gave me these flowers, I need to bake her a cake to say thank you." When you give to a man, he just takes it. He sees it as a sign that he has done enough and that is his reward. This is very true in my relationship. It seems like when I gush and go on and on to thank Evan for his helping or fabulousness it is taken and that is the end of it. My point was to encourage him onward to keep it up and do more but it manifests itself by a halt of the very thing I was just praising. The recommended solution was, for example, If you ask your hubby to take out the garbage and he does it, no need to go on and on and make a big thing of it. Just give a simple, "oh, I see you took out the garbage, thank you." It acknowledges his effort with out a lot of fuss.
3rd point in reference to intimacy is the need for a women to reconnect, and get into her body. It's recommended to take her out dancing. drawing a bath for her, getting out to take a walk, whatever she needs to get in tune with her femininity and let go of the demands of her day. This spoke the loudest to me. Without a doubt I NEED to take the time to be a women and have Jenn time. I have not done that in a year. I see now more than ever that has not been healthy for me, or for my family. I honestly think if this would have come any earlier I would have heard this and appreciated it but the seriousness of it's need and value in my life would have been lost. This advice came at the perfect time. I'm going to do my very best to make sure I take 1 day a week to honor Jenn and to reconnect with myself and be a woman. I have been nothing but a Mom, housewife & maid for a year. Not exactly the sexy kitten Evan married. Or the fun and energized Jenn I remember. I'm so excited to be recharged.
I started on Saturday, my MIL was able to take Reagan for a couple of hours. Had this been any other day would have most likely taken a nap or watched TV. I made a conscious effort to honor myself. I took a shower and made sure to enjoy it for all I could. I did my hair make up and got dressed in clothes that I have not worn since I lived in WA, or was working. Since this was a rather impromptu Girl Moment. I didn't have the proper time to get anything planned. So I ended up just going to the Grocery store and I went through the Fazoli's drive thru on my way home. I had just sat down to eat when my MIL called to make sure I was home ans drop of Reagan. It seemed so short. But just making that conscious effort to reconnect with me and be beautiful was really nice. I look forward to more dates with myself.
This concept also made sense to me why I'm more "in the mood" in the morning. I'm well rested (hopefully) and I haven't gotten into Mommy Mode yet. I'm a fresh blank slate more open for snuggling, etc. The later it gets the more off limits I become. I have started recognizing how drained I am by the evening and mentioned to Evan that if I got more assistance at night and was given the chance to reconnect with myself intimacy at night may be more of an option. How fabulous would it be women, if at night when our man sees us doing dishes, or laundry and says, "I'll take care of this, you go put your feet up." Or, "I'll do this, you go take a nap" WOW!!!! Just that thought relaxes me and makes me feel better!! I get all excited just thinking about it!!
There are many other things I have been learning from these seminars, but I just can't write them all. I'm so happy and excited to be learning, changing and growing! I love this opportunity for improvement!
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