Be as a Little Child

My recent teaching/learning experiences with Reagan have given me a spiritual glimpse into what our Father in Heaven means when he says "be as a little child"  and a greater understanding of His love and frustration as He watches us from above.

This week, yes it's only Tuesday, has been a hand slapping week so far.  Reagan has been testing my ability to be consistent and follow through.  After multiple hand slaps he continues to go back to the computer to push the button and turn off the computer.  It breaks my heart.  I don't understand why he does it.  He understands what No means, he knows he is not supposed to do it, he gets his hand consistently slapped every time he touches it, he cries for literally 2 seconds, then is happy as can be and will be back touching the same button less than a minute later.

Reagan may be over his hand getting slapped 2 seconds later, but I'm not over it.  It really makes me so sad.  I hate slapping his hand.  I wish he would just listen to me, doesn't he understand how hard this is on me?  I would much rather be spending our time playing and having fun laughing, but he chooses to have his hand slapped.

I called my mom yesterday because at one point I was just so sad I didn't know what to do.  I called my Mom and said, "Mom, fix this for me, please make him listen."  Of course I knew she couldn't do anything about it, but I just needed my Mom.  I don't like slapping his hand, but I can't figure out what else to do.  My Mom told me when I was a child she would slap my hand until it got red and welted, once one hand got too sore I would start to use the other hand.  Thankfully Reagan isn't as bad as I was...yet. =)

My Mom also sent me a few books I had on my wishlist from Amazon.  I just got a new book yesterday, Raising up a Family to the Lord, and already found a wonderful passage that has spoken to me.  The author is referencing a list of items and council we may have received in our premortal existence in relation to being parents on the earth.  (this is God speaking)"Lastly, because of the sacred nature of Parenthood, I will personally teach you, through the Holy Ghost, those things that matter most.  Stay close to me; humbly ask for help."

Also today while sitting in our downstairs "library" I read a little in an old Ensign about Charity.  I realized it is true, Charity Never Faileth.  If I could master and have true Charity that would really improve and almost totally make better every facet of my life.

Through all of these recent experiences and lessons, both read and "hands on" learning (pun intended) I have been given a glimpse into how our Father in Heaven must feel at times.  Through our choices he is bond.  "I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say, but when ye do not what I say ye have no promise"  How frustrated He must get when we don't learn our lessons.  I'm sure He would much rather spend His time with us in praise and showering down blessings upon our heads, but how often do we separate ourselves from Him doing the same wrong thing over and over again.  We may even keep getting hurt and suffering harsh consequences for our actions, yet we still do it.

I understand a little more now our Father's love.  I picked up Reagan yesterday, and told him how much I love him, "Even when you misbehave I love you, there is nothing you will ever do that will be so bad I won't love you, I promise you."  I didn't believe that when I was a youth.  I thought at many different times that I had done too much that God must be really mad and I couldn't talk to him.  I had been taught as a youth that you can always go the the Lord and about endless love.  Unfortunately as a youth, and Young Adult I didn't understand it.  I couldn't fully believe it.  I'm thankful for having Reagan, and for being given this opportunity, to see my love for Reagan and understand that it really is possible to love your child no matter what.  I do believe now what I have been told all my life.  Forgiveness is real and possible, endless, pure, UNCONDITIONAL love is true.

I have learned more about the teachings of being like a little child from Reagan too.  I have slapped his hands so much, and every time I slap his hand he may cry for a second or two but then he is happy and want to be held by me and play.  He has really taught me I don't have to stay mad, or even get mad to be heard.  I'm not angry or upset at Reagan for touching the computer, it's just a lesson I need to teach him.  I don't need to stay angry to make sure he understands how bad it is for him to touch things he isn't supposed to.  He has taught me about teaching lessons by being firm then moving on, taking things one step at a time.  Reagan is so quick to forgive and love even though I just hurt him (actually most the time he laughs at me, am I getting though at all?).  I need to be quicker to love and forgive those people in my life that have let me down, hurt me and disappointed me.  While watching Reagan play with other children, some will push him down, and take his toys right out of his hands, does he hold a grudge or get even?  No; he moves on.  I love being a Mother.  I'm so thankful for this blessing.  I'm learning so many wonderful lessons from Reagan.  If only I could be more like him!