I'm so full of joy, happiness and thankfulness lately. And I'm even thankful for being thankful! Hows that for gratitude?!! =)
I've been greatly blessed to be feeling so much better for the last couple weeks. That is a huge blessing that has been such a positive influence on my out look at everything around me. It's so nice to have a break from the way I was feeling and receiving life's trials.
Reagan has also been fabulous as well. I have felt so much like my old self with him as well. I can REALLY see a clear difference in his maturity and understanding. I can see his understanding of concepts I've been trying to teach him over and over and over finally sinking in. Like sharing and the consequences for throwing a fit, not sharing, or throwing his toys.
Today was a wonderful example of his understanding. We went to the library for their story and play time and stayed to play and look at books. He was the ultimate, awesome, perfect fabulous 2 year old. Which means, he wasn't perfect, but he was a perfect 2 year old. He did an amazing job sharing his toys. He understood that he has to wait until a kid is done playing with a toy before he gets to play with it. Of course he forgets and would try to take it at times, but I was able to remind him and he was totally fine with waiting every time. He would also leave a toy that he was playing with to play with another one and if a kid came and took it, at times he would be upset, if it was one he REALLY liked, but most the time he was fine and would move on. He did have a couple times when he needed a time out but in all I was SOOOOOO proud of my Son. I could see so much progress and maturity. I'm really, really proud!
I'm also thankful for feeling better, and having Reagan be such a good boy because it helps me enjoy these last days I get to spend with just Reagan. I can have this baby now and not feel like I was a horrible, lazy, grouchy Mama to Reagan before a new little guy comes in and takes even more of his Mama away. But of course, having these happy times with Reagan makes me sad too. How funny women are, we can't just be happy. =) hahaha. Having so much fun with Reagan I don't want it to end. I just want these one-on-one good days to keep on coming. Last night I had a ton of tiny contractions that really felt to me like the very beginning of labor and I was so sad, I prayed and pleaded to have them stop. All because I wanted more good times with Reagan. I planned on taking him to the library today and I didn't want that to be interrupted. In general I just didn't feel ready to give up my time with Reagan. I didn't want to leave him to go the hospital. It was coming up on Midnight when the contractions started and for the first time I was scared I might actually have to leave in the middle of the night and Reagan would wake up totally unprepared to see his Grandpa's face and his Mama wouldn't be coming home for a day or so. I didn't like the reality of how quickly our life is really going to change. I was laying there thinking about our Sunday, and how it was spent with Reagan. It made me feel good that I didn't have any regrets except just not prepping Reagan better that Mama is having a baby. But I don't know how to prepare him that one morning all of a sudden I might not be here. One day it's going to be just the 3 of us and then BAM! now there is a new baby, he doesn't get all my attention and the world he has known his whole life will never be the same.
I hope I get to leave for the hospital during a time when Reagan is awake so I can talk to him and say good-bye to him. Saying good-bye is so important to me. I just want Reagan to know how much I love him.
I'm so thankful I love my Son so much. I'm so thankful I love being his Mom. I'm thankful for the help that Evan has been giving me lately. It's been so much help I've felt a physical weight being lifted off my shoulders. I'm so thankful that my Husband works so hard to provide a wonderful happy life for his family, I'm thankful for the home we have been given, for our food, our vehicles. Times really are tough these days which makes me so much more thankful than in the past. I'm thankful for our good health, for friends and family near and far. I'm thankful for Christ's atonement, and for the knowledge I have of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We are so blessed.
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