Done

Wed. I'll be 41 weeks.  I have an appt tomorrow to schedule being induced on Friday, or at least during the weekend.

As much as I want this baby to be here all ready I'm not at all a fan of induction.  I've heard it's much more painful.  eek!

The main reason for wanting/needing an induction is to ensure Evan doesn't miss the delivery, and as little work as possible. 

I'm getting SOOOOO sick of the fake labor pains that do nothing!  Not only are they doing nothing, but they peak my attention that the end is near...but just not near enough!!!

Today has been the worst, they are changing in a way that makes me so nervous Evan will miss it.  It is VERY stressful to not know when to call Evan and let him know it's serious and he needs to figure out how to get home.  I don't want to tell him too soon and jeopardize his job, or take him away from his job when he could have still been working and making us money.  But I don't want to wait too long and have him miss it. =(

I'm fearful of having my appt so early in the week.  I don't want to be checked and have it start my labor!!!  I hope we will be able to work something out where I can still set my induction but not get checked.  The stress of having Evan so far away, and not able to drop everything and leave when I do call him, combined with me not knowing how to time it and know when is the right time to call him, and not having anyone here for me to help me through the labor until Evan gets there is just too much stress.

I wish my Mom was able to be here.  I wish I had a friend here that was able to take the time away from her family to be with me through the whole thing.  But there is no one I feel comfortable enough to ask to do that.  Evan is great, but he is a guy, he does not have any idea what I'm going through so his ability to sustain me is limited by his masculine traits.  There is something very comforting in having a woman there that has traveled the same road and that will be your voice when needed, and lend the support you need without having to ask for it.

Having Reagan, I know now, the perfect person would be my mom.  =(  Not only is she a woman, but I'm her Daughter and she has a love for me that no one else does so her care would be the best.  I need to keep reminding myself that my Grandma B will be there with me.  That actually does help bring peace to my heart.  I know she will be there supporting me in a spiritual sense.  Her home and memories are after all, my safe, special place I selected to think about during my contractions.

All will work out as God wants it.  He knows our hearts and desires.  If it looks like I will be alone, I know I'll find someone to go with me to be with me...I hope. =)  At least I'll try to find someone last minute.