Last night I had my first feelings of guilt and sadness for having another baby and not being able to give all my time and attention to Reagan. I love my time with Reagan. I love giving him all of my attention. I have only thought about the Brother aspect, and how cool that will be, Until last night my division of attention had not really crossed my mind in a way that moved me to feeling sad.
I think Reagan will handle the division well, but you just don't know until it happens. I know I can still have special moments with just Reagan. But it will have to be shared most of the time now. And I just don't know how it all will be until we are there.
But last night as I held Reagan before bed I made sure to relish the moment I had holding him and not having to worry about feeding another baby, or having to put him down before my heart was ready because another baby was crying and needing me. I love it just Reagan and I. I was joking with Evan that Reagan and I had a good thing going until he came into the picture and ruined it! =) ha!
This new feeling of sadness might have crept up on me as well because yesterday it also hit me that VERY soon we will have another little baby in the house again, and go through all the baby stuff that we went through with Reagan...and maybe even more. Reagan was such a great baby, we don't know what this baby will be like. 2 babies, just hit me yesterday. I had a sudden rush of appreciation for the ease of just one kid.
Evan and I talk a lot about moving, There are pros and cons to moving closer to Evan's work, or staying here in Clarksville. I brought up to Evan that once 2 babies are in the picture I will be more for living closer to your work, because once Evan is off work I will want him home! I won't want to wait an additional hour for him to get home. But being close to Clarksville is good because we have family here that will priceless during this learning time for me.
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