Sleeping

Last night for the first time I tried to have Reagan sleep in his crib.  I was attempting to let him cry for half an hour to 45 minutes, (based off a suggestion)  I only lasted 15 minutes before I ran upstairs to rescue my precious baby. =(  *BIG Pouty lip*!!!

He instantly stopped crying and I promised him I would NEVER do that to him again.  I just don't believe my baby needs to cry like that at this age if I can help it.  In time I know it will all work out.  I got him to sleep and held him awhile, to try and make up for how horribly I abandoned him for 15 minutes of his life.  At this age babies are learning who they can trust and rely on.  I want him to know I'm the one more than anyone he can rely on to comfort him.  He slept pretty well until around 12am.  Then it was all over and Evan brought him to bed with us! woohoo!!

Even while we were down stairs watching TV alone I really missed Reagan.  My arms ached to hold him and snuggle, tears even started to fall because I missed him so much.  I was so happy when he made a noise, then started crying so I could go up and be with him.  Through out the night I tried putting him back in his crib.  But our downfall the whole night was his stupid paci.  If he isn't asleep really well, his paci falling out will wake him up.  The other thing that wakes him up is when his arms flinch in his sleep. 

He is getting better at using his hands to sooth himself but when he is upset it's like his hands don't even exist they are too busy being clinched and held by stiff as steel arms while he is screaming from the top of his lungs.  I also know as he grows the flinching of the arms will also decrease.  (it already has) So until he learns to sooth with his hands and fingers better, and not flinch to the point of waking himself up I think he will still be sleeping with us most of the time...for OUR sanity.  Last night was not fun for Evan or I.  (more for me I think)  But I bet Evan would disagree. =)

I will continue to put him down at 8pm.  I will keep up the routine of changing his diaper and PJ's and feeding him a bottle while I sing him a song then lay him in his crib.  I also put on Enya, so he can get used to hearing that relaxing music.  But instead of leaving him to cry I will sit with him and love on him so he knows I'm there. 

Last night there where times while he was in his crib, that just putting his paci back in his mouth and shhing him would put him back to sleep, and other times he was so upset I would hold him.  Even while holding him he was screaming his head off.  But I didn't mind.  I knew he was tired, but I wasn't going to leave him alone to cry.  So I just held him while he squirmed, kicked his legs and threw his head back and arched his back.  I just loved on him and kept talking to him, eventually he would fall asleep.  I just love my little man so much.  We will get this down eventually.  I'm not worried.

The best advice I was given while I was pregnant was "Follow your instints"  I want to make sure I'm doing what's best for Reagan and not whats best for me.  Right now I feel loving my baby and not leaving him to cry alone is best.