Evan has been by my side every step of the way and he had to go home a few minutes ago to go back to work, and get the house put back together after the mess we left it in trying to get ready in 2 minutes to go to the hospital for Reagan's birth,(a trip we weren't planning to take).
I have been so thankful for Evan every second. He has truly been my rock and it breaks my heart to now be here without him. I feel so alone and sad. I need my partner to help keep me together. Things are totally looking up for Reagan, so it's not as if I have been left here in the midst of turmoil. I just need my Husband.
Due to the exhaustion of the delivery, and the emotional, physical and spiritual drain of our circumstances I have not been very mentally clear. But Evan has been blessed to retain and understand everything we are being told. He has been asking the questions I can't seem to get my mind to grasp, he has had the strength to be able to retell over and over to many, many family and friends the drama of our whole adventure. I could not imagine how emotionally taxing that has to be on him to have to keep re living what to us at times has been our nightmare and fear of the unknown future.
I'm truly amazed at how what seems to me after the first telling of Reagan's heart complications Evan was able to retain and re-explain in just about perfect description and sound just like the Doctor's retelling what was going on and what would have to be done to fix it. He even has had to retell me more then a few times what is going on and what is happening at what time.
He is so amazing, he is taking care of me and his son. I love him so much. He is my rock. He has been so strong through all of this, strong enough to hold me together and strong enough to cry with me. Heavenly Father has touched him and made him everything his family needs him to be right now. He makes me laugh at just the right time, he knows just when to hold me, just when to be silent and let me process. I'm thankful for how this experience has sealed our hearts together even more. We are able to look at each other and know we are thinking the same thing and act on it with out a word. I love that Evan is the man I'm sharing these joy's and sorrow's with. What a blessing.
He is going to miss the first diaper change, and feeding I get to give Reagan in about 15 min. They are giving him his first feeding since I fed him a little after he was born (and who knows if he even got a drop then) they have had him on sugar this whole time but since he is doing so well they are about to try what I have been pumping and see how he does. Then I get to change his diaper. Evan and I are both dying to hold our precious baby. We both have only had an hour each to hold him since he has been on this earth. I had an hour when I was feeding him, and Evan got an hour after I was done. I still won't get to hold him, but I take anything I can get. I'm just so upset Evan doesn't get to be here to watch this. It really is a big moment. We have both been looking forward to the moment he gets to eat!!! It's the biggest sign that the operation was successful and a huge green light that we will get to take him home soon.
They said if all goes well we should be able to bring him home next week!
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