Today was out first day in our new calling. I'm not terribly fond of this calling. Especially since I really enjoyed 2nd hr to be able to sit next to Evan for an hr and snuggle with him. It felt like a little mini date. Then, I really enjoy RS the lessons, and the time to fellowship with others that have many of my same views. I also REALLY enjoyed having 2 hours for just myself where I don't have to worry about Reagan I know he is having a blast, safe, and I can do something not only relaxing but spiritually rejuvenating. When you are a Mom I totally see how it is hard to find those moments to have times of meditation and opportunities to interact and build a testimony with the Spirit. I loved those few weeks I had of getting spiritual feed. I will miss it...A LOT!!!
It seems like even Reagan liked it better when we weren't there. It appears like he got away with more when we weren't there. He keeps looking at us like he doesn't know why we are there, and when we put him in time outs and tell him, No, I can almost hear his thoughts, "man, life in nursery was better when you weren't here!"
So pregnancy emotions totally overcame me today, so yeah, I wasn't thrilled about being in nursery but there was a totally fabulous gal there, Sis. Smith who is the perfect Mom/nursery person. she played music, played with the kids, organized the toy bins with labels, and is so sweet and patient.
We all think about those around us whether good or bad, well while I was sitting there watching her I was thinking how awesome she was and how I wished I could be like her. Then I thought about how Evan must be watching her too and probably wishing the same thing, that I was more like her. That thought got my tears flowing. I felt bad, upset at myself for not being more loving, patient, and for not loving kids more and being as great as her and I felt like Evan was upset and embarrassed I wasn't more like her. I felt horrible and judged...by my own imagination. But either way I couldn't help needing to step out and just have a cry of self pity for not being a better person and typical nurturing Mama.
I wish I could be like Sis. Smith is in nursery, to make Evan proud. I was proud of her and I thought how proud her husband must be of her. I did remind myself that we each have our own strengths and weaknesses and that she has weaknesses that I don't. Either way, today was a total pregnancy emotions day, I'm thankful Sis Smith is in nursery. She is a great example to me. I did pray while I was out crying, to find joy in my calling and to be granted strength. It seemed to work, eventually I was able to go in there and help out better. Except when the nasty fart and diaper smells got too bad and I had to bolt for the door or else possibly hurl all over, or dry heave. Dang the nursery room stinks!!
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